Generational trauma in Malayali mothers and daughters is a hidden cycle that affects mental health, relationships, and self-worth. Passed down through traditions, unspoken rules, and stories of sacrifice, these patterns often teach women to stay silent, put others first, and ignore their own needs. While these lessons may have come from love and protection, they can unintentionally limit confidence and happiness.Certain characteristics are commonly found among Malayali mothers and their daughters. One of the main things that needs to be highlighted is the generational patterns. Malayali women in Kerala have grown up living within a framework constructed by society. However, they pass on the stories of their sacrifices and sufferings to their daughters.
In many Malayali homes, silence is mistaken for peace. Mothers carry the fears of their mothers — and daughters learn to swallow emotions in the name of respect. This is generational trauma, a quiet inheritance that shapes how Kerala families love, worry, and communicate. Understanding this emotional legacy is the first step toward healing — for both amma and mol.
- Naturally, a girl who grows up listening to the stories of her mother and grandmother feels compelled to follow the same patterns when she becomes a wife and mother.
- She feels obligated to replicate the same behaviors that her mother exhibited to be a perfect wife and mother for the sake of the family. This is a form of emotional transmission.
- Unintentionally, you may be passing on limitations to your daughters that hinder their strength, confidence, and ability to express themselves freely.
- By teaching them the traditional roles of women in society, you may be perpetuating a cycle that reinforces the same societal expectations and constraints on women, rather than empowering them to break free and forge their own paths.
- It’s essential to break this generational pattern. Among Malayalis, this trend is prevalent. Often, mothers teach their children that ‘we were like this, so you should be like this too’ to maintain a well-functioning family.
- They focus on teaching domestic chores, cooking, and childcare, but rarely discuss important life skills like asserting one’s rights, seeking help in times of domestic violence or abuse, and maintaining mental strength.
- However, in this era, girls have the opportunity to break free from these generational patterns. They are no longer content with simply following in their mothers’ footsteps. Instead, they have a clear understanding of what is right and wrong, and they value equality.
Need to Talk to Someone?
Book a private online session with a licensed therapist
The widespread nature of generational trauma in Malayali families underscores the importance of seeking professional help, such as therapy and family counseling, to address emotional baggage. This is a critical requirement in today’s context, where acknowledging and working through these traumas can help individuals and families break free from harmful patterns and build healthier relationships.
Read on to learn more about the generational patterns that exist among mothers and daughters, how they impact mental health, and ways to break these patterns. Can online therapy help Malayali women heal family trauma? Is it normal to feel guilt when setting boundaries with parents?
What are Generational Emotional Patterns?
Generational emotional patterns refer to the emotional themes, behaviors, and coping mechanisms that are passed down from one generation to the next within a family. These patterns can be influenced by a combination of factors, including:
1. Family Dynamics
In Malayali culture, family relationships are deeply valued.. We often strive to maintain harmony and make our families a joyful place. To achieve this, we try to avoid conflicts and problems within the family.
- Generational patterns work in a similar way. Family relationships, communication styles, and emotional expressions all contribute to the development of generational emotional patterns.
- To maintain these family dynamics, mothers often pass on the traditional gender roles that society has created for women to their daughters.
- However, they may not always be able to teach their daughters how to cope with problems or develop necessary coping mechanisms.
In such cases, family counseling and mother-daughter healing therapies can be beneficial. Through proper counseling and therapy, it’s possible to create healthier relationships and break generational patterns. Online counselling in malayalam.
2. Trauma and Stress
Do you remember the Malayalam movie Theniyavarthanam?
- In the movie, the character Balagopal, played by Mammootty, doesn’t have any mental health issues initially. However, his family believes certain things about him, and through their constant suggestions and behaviors, they create a narrative that makes him believe he has a mental illness. The family dynamics, including the silence at the dining table, gossiping about him, and piercing gazes, all contribute to creating this mental health issue in Balagopal.
- This is how generational patterns can be passed down. Unresolved trauma and stress can be transmitted through generations, influencing emotional patterns and behaviors.
In such cases, seeking proper counseling and therapy is crucial. Both mothers and children can benefit from therapy, and emotional baggage therapy can help overcome generational trauma. Online counselling kerala
3. Cultural and Societal Norms
When it comes to women, the culture of Malayalis is very clear.
- Society generally considers a woman perfect if she is a good homemaker, mother, and stays within the confines of her home.
- Mothers may have lived similarly in the past, having learned it from their mothers. Without much thought, they pass on these same expectations to the next generation of girls.
- Teaching girls about Malayali culture and societal expectations without critical thinking can create significant mental pressure.
Adopting cultural therapy and utilizing family counseling can help make relationships healthier and positively break generational patterns.
Parenting styles and attachment patterns can significantly influence an individual’s emotional attachment and development. These patterns can be passed down to the next generation, shaping their emotional well-being.
- To promote healthy development in your children, it’s essential to adopt parenting methods that foster strength and resilience.
- The Malayalam movie Manichithrathazhu features Ganga’s childhood, where her grandmother’s stories create certain images in her mind. These stories, games, and rituals have a profound impact on her psyche, which later manifests in the lives of those around her. Similarly, the things passed down to the next generation can significantly influence their mental well-being and lives.
Feeling Overwhelmed?
You’re Not Alone. Get Support from an
Oppam Therapist Wherever You Are
Oppam Therapist Wherever You Are
Seeking professional help and counseling can be beneficial in understanding and implementing positive parenting practices that benefit your children. Mother-daughter relationship counselling Kerala.
Types of Generational Emotional Patterns
Excessive worry and anxiety can be passed down through generations, often related to fear of uncertainty or safety. How generational trauma shapes Malayali mothers and daughters in Kerala.
2. Anger and resentment:
Unresolved anger and resentment can be passed down through generations, often related to unmet needs or unresolved conflicts.
3. Depression and sadness:
Patterns of depression and sadness can be passed down through generations, often related to loss, trauma, or unmet emotional needs.
4. Fear and avoidance:
Fears and phobias can be passed down through generations, often related to past experiences or learned behaviors. Kerala mother daughter relationship problems
5. Perfectionism and control:
Patterns of perfectionism and control can be passed down through generations, often related to high expectations or fear of failure.
How Generational Emotional Patterns Affect Individuals
1. Emotional regulation:
Generational emotional patterns can influence emotional regulation, making it challenging for individuals to manage their emotions effectively.
2. Relationships:
Generational emotional patterns can affect relationships, leading to conflict, distance, or enmeshment.. Why Malayali mothers are overprotective?
3. Mental health:
Generational emotional patterns can contribute to mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, or trauma symptoms.
4. Behavioral patterns:
Generational emotional patterns can influence behavioral patterns, such as substance abuse or addictive behaviors.
Breaking Generational Trauma in Malayali Mothers and Daughters
1.Self-awareness:
Recognizing and understanding generational emotional patterns is the first step towards breaking them. Generational Trauma in Malayali Families
2. Emotional regulation:
Developing healthy emotional regulation strategies can help individuals manage their emotions more effectively.
Working with a therapist can help individuals understand and break generational emotional patterns.
4. Support:
Building a support network of friends, family, or support groups can provide a safe space for individuals to process their emotions and develop new coping strategies. Generational trauma in Malayali mothers and daughters therapy Kerala.
Emotional Scripts Passed Down
- “Don’t show your emotions.”: A script that encourages individuals to suppress their emotions, leading to difficulties in emotional regulation and relationships.
- “You need to be strong.”: A script that emphasizes the importance of strength and resilience, often at the expense of emotional expression and vulnerability.
- “Don’t trust anyone.”:individuals to be cautious and guarded in their relationships, leading to difficulties in forming close connections with others.
- “You’re not good enough.”: A script that perpetuates self-doubt and low self-esteem, often leading to anxiety and depression.
How Emotional Scripts Are Passed Down
- Modeling: Children learn emotional scripts by observing their caregivers’ emotional expression and regulation.
- Communication: Family communication patterns, including emotional validation or invalidation, can shape emotional scripts.
- Cultural and societal norms: Cultural and societal expectations around emotional expression and regulation can influence emotional scripts. Mental health counselling in Kerala
- Trauma and stress: Unresolved trauma and stress can shape emotional scripts and influence emotional regulation.
Impact of Emotional Scripts
- Emotional regulation: Emotional scripts can influence emotional regulation, making it challenging for individuals to manage their emotions effectively.
- Relationships: Emotional scripts can affect relationships, leading to conflict, distance, or enmeshment.
- Mental health: Emotional scripts can contribute to mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, or trauma symptoms.
- Behavioral patterns: Emotional scripts can influence behavioral patterns, such as substance abuse or addictive behaviors.
Breaking Emotional Scripts
- Self-awareness: Recognizing and understanding emotional scripts is the first step towards breaking them.
- Therapy: Working with a therapist can help individuals understand and challenge negative emotional scripts.
- Support: Building a support network of friends, family, or support groups can provide a safe space for individuals to process their emotions and develop new coping strategies.
- Self-care: Prioritizing self-care and emotional well-being can help individuals develop healthier emotional scripts and improve their overall mental health.
Embracing the challenges and opportunities of our time is crucial. While it’s natural to draw inspiration from our mothers’ experiences, blindly replicating their mistakes can lead to unnecessary stress. By acknowledging the past and learning from it, we can break free from patterns that no longer serve us and forge a better future. Therapy for Malayali women online
Breaking free from generational patterns can lead to a more fulfilling life. Seeking therapy and family counseling can be a valuable step in this process, helping individuals develop healthier relationships and thought patterns. Generational trauma in Malayali mothers and daughters therapy Kerala.
Healing generational trauma is not about blaming our mothers — it’s about understanding them, and ourselves, with compassion. Each honest conversation between a Malayali mother and daughter becomes a small act of revolution — breaking silence, and beginning freedom.
Are you someone who wants to break free from generational patterns?
Struggling?
Talk to an Oppam Therapist
Get the Support You Deserve Online & Confidential
